I tried to write my rough draft. My paper is due Monday. I will upload my paper first, her critiques on my rough draft, and the the rubric for grading, and the sample paper. Use whatever you can from my paper in order to have a great paper. Please HELPPerry 1
Brandon Perry
Professor Settle
ENL 111-301
03 Feb 2020
What’s my calling.
It’s not work if you love what you do. Becoming the Center Manager of the Candor
Division for Cranemasters in Candor, North Carolina I gave up thirteen years with the railroad.
I am hoping to continue with the advancement of my career and become one day the COO or
even the CEO.
At a young age, I knew I would be in management. I knew I would be out there leading a
team someday. I’m from a small town called Shaw, Mississippi. Growing up there, it wasn’t
much to do. I knew I had to get out and explore the world. I joined the Air Force at seventeen
and my journey as a leader began. While in the service, I was always working and learning new
things. I saw a lot of good people end their military careers because of bad leadership and
management. I told myself then, I would never be one of those leaders.
After the military, my railroad career began. I fought hard threw the ranks from the
bottom all the way to a manager. I always my guys to look up to me and know that I started out
just like them and If I could do it, they could too. I used to get out and work with my guys. I
was not the person to sit back. I believe that a leader is only as strong as their team. I can say
that I earned the respect of my guys. I always felt my calling was to encourage people and uplift
them to be the bet them. Someone might be having a bad day and if I can encourage you to dig
Perry 2
deeper, then I have done my job. There are some great leaders out there. Before I left, I think I
accomplished my mission of being a great leader.
I made a big transition in my career and went to work for Cranemasters. I’m still
working with the railroad industry because that’s what I love to do. I have a great group of guys
that work hard for me. The word Family comes to mind. The job we do is very dangerous and if
we don’t trust and look out for one another, we won’t be able to do our jobs. Coming to Candor
was a big transition for my wife and I but she has stood by my side and believed in me the whole
way. We spend a great deal of time away from our families and that can be stressful sometimes.
I’m the kind of manager that goes through everything with my team. I have worked for people
that weren’t managers at all and that made me want to walk away but instead of walking away, I
became the best leader to help everyone I could. That’s why I pride myself on teamwork
I have always tried to go above and beyond and that’s what I instill in my guys. I’m
thirty-five and I have accomplished and achieved so much. I still have more work to do. I have
a “40-year plan” and that’s to be a COO by then. I want my guys to surpass my expectations of
them. There are some people that are great managers, but terrible leaders. I want them to be
able to say, Brandon was a great manager and an even better leader. I was taught by a great man,
my father, that you work hard, and people will notice. Managing is not for everybody, but when
it’s your calling, its just that, your calling.
Perry 1
Brandon Perry
Professor Rebecca Settle
ENL 111
Lottery of Life
We all go through this transition called life. We never really know how it going to turn
When I was growing up, in Shaw, Mississippi, there wasn’t much to do in such a small
town. Once I got into high school, I knew that I wanted to go into the Air Force, and I did.
From that moment on, I was transforming my life. I committed 6 years to the air Force. I then
got out and went to work for the railroad. Again, I transformed my life to the civilian sector.
I am still transforming my life to be the best husband to my wife and the best father to my
kids. I only hope to transform myself to be the best leaser and boss I can be. I have a great
group of guys that work for me. I want to continue striving to be successful and keep climbing
up the corporate ladder.
Pursuing an education will transform my life in so many ways. I’m climbing up the
corporate ladder now and I hope to go even higher with my degree. To be competitive in the job
sector now, a degree is almost mandatory. I have set a timeline for myself and I call it my “40
Year Plan”. I plan on being the COO or even the CEO of a company. I have 5 more years to
reach my goal and I’m almost there being the Regional Manager of my division. I don’t think
I’m doing too bad.
Perry 2
In conclusion, I feel like I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If you
put your mind to it and stay dedicated and determined, you can transform your life to be just
what you want it to be. That’s the real lottery of life,
Hi, Brandon. Based on what you’ve submitted for your rough draft, it appears that you did not follow
the instructions/requirements that were on the assignment sheet.
There are specific requirements for the content of each section of this essay – introduction, body
paragraphs, and conclusion.
Your introduction does not contain any of the components that are required in an introduction.
Namely, you are missing background information about the job that is your calling, and a thesis
statement. This essay cannot work without a thesis statement.
Your body paragraphs should each be focused on ONE of the three reasons why this is your calling.
You can go back and look at the example thesis and reasons I provide on the assignment sheet.
This paper is not a linear narrative about how you came to hold the job you currently hold. It is a
paper in which you are essentially defending your statement that the job you have chosen as your
calling, truly is your calling. (That’s one of the main objectives here – to create a thesis and then
support it with logical reasoning. That’s one of the learning objectives of this entire course.)
It would probably help you to read the sample essay that I provided with this assignment. The
sample is an actual student essay submitted for this assignment several semesters ago, and it is a
solid example of how your paper should be organized.
Your sentences themselves are generally clear and direct, so your aim should be to replace/revise
most of your content and focus on the requirements that are explained on the assignment sheet.
Mountwest General Education Rubric
Outcome 1-A: Written Communication
The student will compose coherent, unified written documents that demonstrate correct mechanics and style, as well as
appropriate documentation of sources.
The writer does not
provide a thesis
statement/main idea
The writer’s paper is
weak because of lack
of evidence and may
contain irrelevant
The writer could have
strengthened the paper
with more or better
The writer made good
use of examples,
illustrations, etc. In a
few places the paper’s
main point could have
been strengthened
with additional
The writer made
excellent use of
examples, illustrations,
etc., helping prove the
paper’s main point.
The writer’s paper is
choppy and
The writer could have
used more transitions.
The writer uses a few
The paper flows
logically from
beginning to end and
contains appropriate
transitions, headers,
and/or signal phrases
to indicate connections
between ideas
The writer’s paper
contains an excessive
number of fragments,
run-ons, or comma
The writer’s paper
contains a number of
fragments, run-ons, or
comma splices.
The writer’s paper
contains a few
fragments, run-ons, or
comma splices.
The writer’s paper
contains complete
sentences with no
unnecessary fragments,
run-ons, or comma
and Flow
The writer’s thesis
statement/main idea
asserts a position but
lacks wording that is
sufficiently specific.
The writer developed a
clear thesis
statement/main idea
that can be supported
with specific evidence.
The writer’s paper
contains an excessive
number of errors in
The writer’s paper
contains a number of
errors in subject-verb
The writer’s paper
contains very few
errors in subject-verb
The writer uses
consistent subject-verb
The writer’s paper
contains an excessive
number of
punctuation errors.
The writer’s paper
contains a number of
punctuation errors.
The writer’s paper
contains a few
punctuation errors.
The writer’s paper is
free of punctuation
The writer’s paper
contains an excessive
number of spelling
The writer’s paper
contains a number of
spelling errors.
The writer’s paper
contains a few spelling
The writer’s paper is
free of spelling errors.
The writer’s paper
contains an excessive
number of wordy or
awkward sentences.
The writer’s paper
contains a number of
wordy or awkward
The writer’s paper
contains a few wordy
or awkward sentences.
The writer’s paper is
free of any wordy or
awkward phrasing and
demonstrates a clear,
concise style.
Name 1
Student Name
Professor Settle
ENL 111-301
01 June 2015
The Passion of Fishing: My Career Awaits
With a spin, two flicks of the wrist, and the gentle rippling sound of the bait hitting the
water, I cast my line and hope my talent for this sport will pay off. As a child growing up, I
established a talent that really has become an addiction to me: catching fish. Ever since standing
on my grandfather’s back deck fishing in a bucket for minnows in winter, I have been hooked.
Lake Erie is a place I call home to fishing, and it is a place where I truly know a lot about the
ecosystem. When I graduate, I’m going to own a full-time fishing guide service year round,
fishing for multiple species depending on the season. By choosing this career, I will make the
most of my natural gift for this sport, I will use knowledge gained from years of experience, and
I will be able to use my interpersonal skills to serve people who share my passion. Sharing my
love of this sport is my true calling.
Being the owner of a guide service in Erie, Pennsylvania will allow me to use my Godgiven talents from all of the knowledge I have learned from the many influential people in my
life. My main talent is my knowledge I have of the fishery. There are many types of fish to
catch in Erie. My plan is to own a charter boat when there isn’t ice on the lake. During the
winter months when the lake if frozen over, I will guide people to fish the streams for salmon
and steelhead spawning during that time. In the spring time, I plan to pull the boat out of storage
and start fishing for lake trout and smallmouth bass nesting in the shallow water feeding and
Name 2
spawning. Finally, in the summer, I will be using the boat for walleye. Erie is world renowned
for the walleye fishery.
In addition to having a gift for the sport, I am a good guide because I know the water I
am on and can tell when the weather is getting bad. Experience has taught me that safety is the
number one priority when trying to have a successful day on the water. I have run boats and
been wading in streams since I was seven years old. I have become a professional at both of
these types of fishing. I am an expert on reading the weather, no matter what form it presents,
including wind, rain, snow, and even water spouts. Predicting the weather in Erie can be very
difficult, but being a veteran on the water and fishing on the lake, I have developed a sense to
know what is going on at all times.
Not only are talent and experience important in this business, but customer service and
having patience are key when dealing with people. I am very good at dealing with people no
matter what their complaint is. At the end of the day, I will be there to make a living and make
an enjoyable trip for whomever may be in the boat. The best customer service is to ensure the
customer has such a good time that they want to come back. I will make sure I am a responsible
business owner with rules and guidelines for safety, but at the same time, I want to have fun with
the customers and make their days memorable.
My dad once said to me, “A bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work.” This
kernel of wisdom that he shared so many years ago is always in my mind. I figure that fishing is
one of my biggest passions in life, so why not make my living by doing something I love to do?
There is no better way to spend my life than being out on the water every day, taking people
fishing, and making money for it. I know I have the knowledge and talent to do it, and now it’s
time to put my gifts and abilities to use and do what I love to do.

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